Depression versus Bliss

I don't wanna live

there's nothing worth living for

I don't wanna die

there's nothing worth dying for

I'm waiting for the answers

but there's no questions worth answering anymore

I think I could just cry

but there's nothing worth crying for

I might just float down the river

I don't know why I woke up.

I don't know why I was sleeping in the first place.

Sleep feels like a waste of time.

I waste enough time when I'm awake.

The Lady Tigers lost last night.

We had a one-point lead with seven seconds to go

and then we just let them lay-up one in.

Our fifth consecutive final four, our fifth consecutive loss in the semifinals.

Damn damn damn.

I feel depressed.  I don't find joy in writing music these days.

My parents want me to write music because I have talent.

I wish they didn't care about my music at all.

I don't like sharing my music with them or when they find it themselves.

Because when they do, they continually critique me, or glorify me and want to show off how awesome their son is.  Then there's pressure to please them and their friends.

I can't make music to please anybody but myself.

When I hide my music from them, they make me feel guilty about it.  But if I do show them, I regret it because then they put their own expectations on me.

Success to them depends on whether or not they like or not, it being clean and avoiding controversial topics, and whatever else they want.

I love them, but sometimes I wish I didn't.

Someone's writing the word "Bliss" in graffiti all over McVoy.

There's a big one spray painted on the sidewalk outside the whore door.

Bliss.

It means perfect happiness.

People really only have about 23 minutes of bliss in their lives.

Usually the moment LSU scores a touchdown or when reaching orgasm.

Maybe I should find Jesus.

I can't find happiness with myself.

I can't find happiness having loads of talent.

I can't make myself happy, it seems.

Why are so many comedians depressed?  Even the best ones, like George Carlin, were absolutely miserable with the world around them.

Comedy equals tragedy plus time.  If there were no tragedy, there would be no comedy.

There would be no laughter if there were no pain.

Resolutions would be pointless without conflict.

And now I wait for the big resolution to these conflicts.

I'm usually an optimist, but right now I'm a pessimist.

The Lady Tigers are the Sisyphus of Women's College Basketball.  They climb so far, and then they just slide down. 

That's how my life feels right now.