Fear of success

I have an awesome comfort zone. I slack through classes and I do what I want whenever. I don't have anything to prove, and I love it.

I have fear of success, and at the same time, fear of failure. I sacrifice success so I can live failure-free, because I'm remembered more for my failures than my successes.

When I look back, I don't see my successes. I only see where I fucked up and promised to myself never to fuck up again. My parents instilled in me a fear of failure.

Not that I really fear failure, but I fear their reaction, because they are my most valuable life line, and I don't want to lose it.

I like life right now, and I don't want to change it, because if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But at the same time, it could be better.

"Hard work never hurt anyone, but why risk it?"  That phrase has been my life story.

I'm glad my parents don't know about this blog.  Like a lot of things, I need to hide it from them so I can resist their demands, and the guilt they give me when I don't do things for them.